Getting in the Mood
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Libido can change for men and women, and getting in the mood can be hard thanks to stress and lifestyle. Learn more about sex and relationships in this video.
Transcript: Ian: This is a question I get from both men and women which is just that, "My libido is changing. My...
Ian: This is a question I get from both men and women which is just that, "My libido is changing. My desire is less than it used to be." I hear it with men. I hear it with women. What's your take on it? Logan: It's a hard thing to talk about because we get all these media messages everywhere we go of all this sex we're supposed to want all the time. When our actual libido doesn't match we start to feel badly about ourselves. You know for women it could be a couple things; a decrease in testosterone, this kind of depletion of hormones, lifestyle, stress. We don't always have sex like we did at the beginning of a relationship -- relationships evolve. Ian: And that is totally true of men. You know, sex changes over the lifecycle. I think for a lot of men it is frustrating, especially for guys like when they hit their 30s or into their early 40s. They are starting to noticed that their erectile quality is changing, their libido is changing and it has a lot to do with your overall health. You know, you need to eat right, you need to diet well, you need to exercise, you need to manage stress, you need to lay off the cigarettes and lay off the alcohol. All of that affects your sexual health. And then I think a lot of it also has to do with being in a relationship and being in a long-term relationship and needing to maintain some spontaneity. Logan: Which we recognize is really hard to do. It can't always be like it was in the beginning. But we also have to make time for our relationships too. And sometimes getting back in the saddle so to speak can rev up the libido in a different way. You can create that. Ian: Just doing it. Logan: Just do it. Ian: And there really truth in the phrase use it or lose it. You gotta use it. Logan: I think so. And also if you're feeling less than amorous, talk to your partner about it. Because if you're not saying that your upset with it, than someone starts to think they're just not interested in me anymore. Ian: Desire is not just a light switch. You don't just turn it on or off in men or in women. For more sex health tips, check out other videos in this series.More »
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You might be surprised, but great sex comes down to even hotter foreplay. Without the right moves, you just might find your partner yawning. See if you've got what it takes to get their hormones racing.
Last Modified: 2013-05-29 | Tags »
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In addition to being fun, orgasms also have some health benefits. Learn more about orgasms and your health from this video.
Transcript: Ian: This is something that I end up talking about a lot because there really is a correlation between...
Ian: This is something that I end up talking about a lot because there really is a correlation between one's overall health and your sexual health. It's important to have a healthy sex life and it is important to have orgasms. Orgasms are healthy. Logan: That's the big headline here. Orgasms are good for your health. And people are going to love hearing that. Because it is not just pleasure for the sake of pleasure, right. I mean, being sexually active and having orgasms means that you boost your immunity, you're producing attachment hormones so you're bonded, you're alleviating stress and menstrual cramps -- all these great things. Ian: You're burning calories. You know if you're a little energetic, your burning calories. For men, when you orgasm you're also flushing toxins out of your prostate. So you're actually helping your prostate health. And there have been studies in male sexuality that have shown that men who have orgasms 2 to 3 times per week are less likely to have heart attacks than men who don't. And what that is actually saying is not that orgasms prevent heart attacks but that if you're overall maintaining a healthy lifestyle, you probably have a healthier sex life. You're having more orgasms and hence you are healthier and happier overall. Logan: So pleasure is good for you. Ian: For more tips on pleasure and enjoying your sex life, check out more videos in this series.More »
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Erectile Dysfunction, you should be dealing with it in your 20's, right? Well, with today's video game and fast food culture, guys are having trouble getting it up. Our experts Ian Kerner and Logan Levkoff cover the causes and offer a few solutions.
Transcript: Ian: You know it's funny, when we hear about erectile disorder or we see the commercials for Viagra,...
Ian: You know it's funny, when we hear about erectile disorder or we see the commercials for Viagra, we tend to think of older men. But I get a lot of questions from guys in their 20s and early 30s who are suffering from erectile disorder and wonder if they're candidates for Viagra or whatnot. Erectile disorder is definitely something that affects men of all ages. Logan: And women are asking the same questions. They have younger male partners who are certainly not of the stereotypical ED med age and they're wondering is there something wrong with him? Is there something wrong with me? I though guys were supposed to be able get an erection at the drop of a hat? What's going on? Ian: Well, I think one factor is actually it's kind of a tough age, it's a tough era to sometimes be a young guy in. There's a lot of financial uncertainty out there. A lot of guys are unemployed. A lot of guys are worried about their future. And all of that kind of stress and anxiety can really take a toll on erectile quality. If a guy is really anxious and worried about that sort of thing, he might have a problem. Logan: And not to mention all the healthy issues. Smoking, being overweight, drinking too much can all contribute to the problem of erectile dysfunction. Ian: Yeah, I mean the quality of a man's erections, his erectile health, is really a function of his overall health. So if something is going on. If you're a young guy in your 20s or your 30s' it's one thing situationally to sometimes you know suffer from erectile disorder. Logan: Which does happen. The minute you have erectile dysfunction doesn't mean you need to go on meds. Ian: No, and the problem is don't psych yourself out. If it happens, get over it. Sex can be clumsy. Sex can be awkward. Sex has ups and downs -- no puns intended. Logan: And you laugh. There are uncomfortable moments too. Ian: But if you are suffering from ED chronically it could mean that there is a bigger health issue going on and you should absolutely go consult your doctor. Logan: I think that those are really important points. And also to remember that just because we live in a world that we have a million different ads for erectile dysfunction meds it doesn't mean we all have a problem. Ian: No, and a lot of young guys out there sometimes think almost automatically'. Logan: When is it going to happen? Ian: 'Should I take some sort of medication to help with my erection. Anyway, go to your doctor if you're having erectile problems. And if you want more tips like this, check out the other videos in this series.More »
Last Modified: 2013-06-12 | Tags »
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Foreplay is important and outercourse is the new intercourse. Watch this video for tips on better foreplay.
Transcript: Ian: I get asked this question a lot; how important is foreplay? I especially want to say to the men...
Ian: I get asked this question a lot; how important is foreplay? I especially want to say to the men out there that foreplay is all play. Logan: Without foreplay, you aren't getting any play. Ian: No play, right. Study after study shows that 80% of women do not orgasm from intercourse alone. The clitoris is the powerhouse of the female orgasm. Logan: Which is part of the vulva outside not inside of the vagina. Ian: Right, 90% of the nerve fibers that contribute to the female orgasm are located on the surface of the vulva. So I like to say that many men through no fault of their own are what I call "illclitorate." Many men need to get "clitorate." They need to understand that the clitoris is the powerhouse of the female orgasm and foreplay is coreplay. Logan: Foreplay is also important because women need to turn on head to toe. Sexuality and arousal is holistic. We need to turn on mentally, physically, emotionally. When you just go right for intercourse, we kind of freak out a little bit, we are a little bit uncomfortable. We need to turn on. We need to take time and you need to take time with us. And not just the breast and genitals, all the other erogenous zones; the back of our neck, the back of our knee, our hips, anything else. Ian: All of that touch produces oxytocin, which helps women engage in sex. All that foreplay helps women deactivate mentally which is also important to female orgasm. And let's remember that in the end, and orgasm really consists of two processes physiologically; blood flows to the genitals and tension developing throughout the entire body. The more foreplay the more sexual tension the more sexual tension that gets released, the more powerful the orgasm. Logan: And the better lubrication, better sex. Ian: For more foreplay tips check out other videos in this series or go to goodinbed.comMore »
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Does size matter? The answer varies with what men and women want. Check out this video to have more insight on this topic.
Transcript: Logan: So I know you're probably wondering, does size matter? It is a question that is probably as old...
Logan: So I know you're probably wondering, does size matter? It is a question that is probably as old as time and the answer isn't simple. Ian: As a guy, we really think that size matters. I personally believe that size shouldn't matter. Most guys first of all fall into an average of 4 to 6 inches, really around 5 inches when erect. And that's the average for the vast majority of men. There are guys that can be too small. There's a condition where I think it might up to 10% of men have micropenises Again, that's not the average. Of course, the opposite problem being too big can also be a problem. When you think about it, 90 perfect of the nerve fibers that contribute to the female orgasm are located on the surface of the vulva and respond to stimulation. Logan: Except that being said, there of plenty of women who will tell you, 'Yes, size is an issue.' It might just be a psychological thing that perhaps having a larger penis makes someone a better lover, which isn't necessarily the case. But also women find girth important. Thickness of the penis becomes important. And part of that is the thicker a man's penis is the more likely it is to stimulate nerve ending in the vaginal walls, especially in the front because the further back you get the less nerve endings. Ian: I think that you do make an impression via size often one way or the other. I think again guys often worry too much about it. Usually, the women who complain about a guy's size are very often the women who also aren't having orgasms. I would say all the guys out there who are worried about the size of your penis focus more instead on your ability to understand your partner, to respond to your partner. Logan: And remember that size comes with challenges too. Being too large for your partner can come with certain kind of bruising or vaginal tearing which would be very uncomfortable. I think it is important to be comfortable with who you are. Ian: And if a guy is too big, if he's aware of that, he might say introduce some personal lubricant into it. Or with a woman certainly there are positions. Again, it really does come down to communication. So size in the end, it matters? It doesn't matter? It matters to you? Logan: It's still up for grabs. For more sexual health tips like these check out goodinbed.com or more videos in this series.More »
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Pleasuring her orally isn't as easy as it sounds. In this video, find out what usually goes wrong and how to make it pleasurable.
Transcript: Ian: A question that I do hear from a lot a of people, especially women, I have to say is, 'How do I...
Ian: A question that I do hear from a lot a of people, especially women, I have to say is, 'How do I give my partner feedback when it comes to oral sex?' Logan: Clearly screaming at them that they're doing it wrong is not really an option. Ian: No, guys get very very defensive. We get like Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver, 'Are you talking to me?' The problem is guys get so much of their information these days from porn. So a lot of women complain about guys being too rough, too hard. One woman actually said to me, 'He's like a cobra attacking a mongoose when he goes at me.' So don't make like a cobra man out there. As a woman, how would you tell a guy? Logan: I think it is really important that you always couch your criticism in positive terms. 'I love it when you do this...' And steer them in a right direction this way. Or show them with your hand. You're talking about sex, you're using language for body parts, so that in it of itself is a turn on. As long as you're not using the words 'don't' or that 'you're doing something wrong.' Ian: I think that is so true. Guys, I think we absolutely crave constructive feedback. I also sometimes tell women if you're really shy about giving feedback, tell your guys that you had this really super sexy dream about him last night. That he was going down on you and kissing you and just being so gentle. Do what you can to make talking about sex sexy. Logan: Or you could always use third party information. I saw something in a movie that I really want to try or I read something in a book. That way it takes some of the pressure off you. It is not about one person's prowess, but you're both getting what you want in the end Ian: And in the end knowing your partner, knowing your partner's body. I mean people change throughout the course of the arousal. So what might feel good or what might feel not so good at the beginning might feel good a little later on. So really communicate and be aware of your partner. Logan: Mix it up. Ian: And for more videos, check out more videos in this series.More »
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If you and your partner are interested in BDSM, you'll want to know how the best practices. Check out this video for tips on finding healthy pleasure in BDSM.
Transcript: Logan: A lot of people are curious about BDSM. What's it all about? And if I'm curious about it or we...
Logan: A lot of people are curious about BDSM. What's it all about? And if I'm curious about it or we practice it is there something wrong with us? Ian: Wait, BDSM is? Logan: Bondage. Domination. Sadomasochism. So four letters mean a lot of different things to a lot of people. But BDSM doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It is really about role-play and interchangeable power dynamics and getting to play roles you don't normally play in your everyday life. Ian: I absolutely agree. It is a lot of fun. You don't have to do a lot. You don't have to go too far. I think just introducing the concept mentally, you know. Especially for guys, I think when it comes to sex guys often feel like they have to be the dominate ones, they have to know everything, they have to be the ones in charge. And there is something really sexy, especially for a guy, about being able to submit a little bit. Logan: And very sexy for a woman who may not always take charge to totally take charge and be the dominate one. Ian: So it is really great to play with these power roles and to play with your imagination. I think it is also important to take things slowly. Logan: Oh, absolutely. This isn't just a pleasure and pain discussion. It is really important that above all else consent is a huge issue with BDSM -- making sure that you and your partner always have consent. That whatever you do and whatever your talking about, that you both agree to. You know people who are really practicing BDSM, they need safe words. You need words that you say that stop any kind of play and make it really clear. Ian: So if I say cumquat, stop it all. Stop everything if I say cumquat. Logan: If that's your safe word. So for now cumquat. And if you want more information or sex tips, check out more videos in this series.More »
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While pleasuring him orally, it's important to be enthused about pleasing your partner. Get some helpful tips and information about oral pleasure in this video.
Transcript: Logan: A question that a lot of women have is, how do I know if I'm giving a good blow job? How do I...
Logan: A question that a lot of women have is, how do I know if I'm giving a good blow job? How do I know if I'm doing the right thing? And if I'm not, what am I supposed to do? Ian: I think one of the things' I think women are under a lot of pressure of course, from porn you see women doing things during oral sex that most women are not so comfortable with' Logan: Definitely not comfortable with' Ian: The main thing I want to say as a guy, is that a woman should really be comfortable with it and be into it. The hottest thing to a guy is a woman who is enjoying what she is doing and isn't nervous about it or worried about it. That said, I think a lot of women, just like guys don't get to see how a woman would self pleasure herself, a lot of women don't get to see a guy do it. For a lot of women who are wondering about oral sex tips, think about a combination of friction and pressure. That's what it really comes down to, friction at the head of the penis and pressure at the base of the penis. Oral sex is not just about the mouth. It is about your mind, your mouth, and your hands. And it is really about getting completely involved and enjoying what you're doing. Logan: And I think is also about making sure we're getting constant feedback from our partners. Following their body language, listening to cues, listening to breathe patterns. We can tell if someone is into it or if they're just kind of lying there and not all that interested too. Ian: Yeah, men will also loose their erections during oral sex. Logan: That would be a good sign. Ian: That would be sign. Logan: For more tips like these, check out other videos in this series.More »
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When you get used to the same sex position, it could potentially take the spontaneity out of things. Boosting the excitement in the bedroom may just be a matter of having the right moves. Check out this video for tips on how to spice things up.
Transcript: Logan: Sometimes we get used to the same position and it becomes the only position we can orgasm in....
Logan: Sometimes we get used to the same position and it becomes the only position we can orgasm in. Is this normal? And why do some people only climax in one position over another? Ian: I think it's really normal, especially in a long-term relationship to develop what I would call a 'sex script.' There's nothing wrong, especially if you're enjoying the sex, knowing which positions really work for you. And everybody is different. Some women find that really being on top really provides the most clitoral stimulation. Some couples really just love missionary position. We love to say missionary is you know so simple or so boring, but it is a very exciting position in terms of the intimacy and the eye contact. Logan: And vanilla sex is still sex. I might be the missionary position but it's still sex. We read all these magazines that say, '5,000 new sex positions.' If we're not interested in those or if they don't work for us when we're trying to follow them, we start to feel badly that there is something wrong with us or our relationship. But if it works for you it works for you. Ian: I totally agree. I'm definitely of the mind if it's not broken you don't need to fix it. And if it works' It is also a question of finding the positions that work for you as well. Some men really find' just like as women need positions that provide clitoral stimulation. Like there's also the coital alignment technique called CAT. Where it's really about the base of his penis and pelvis really meeting a woman's clitoris. Instead of a lot of thrusting it is more about that persistent connection and kind of a grinding and a rocking. Some men find that they need a position from like let's say behind -- provides a lot more friction. It's really about finding what works for you. Logan: And not feeling badly if it's the only thing that works for you. For more sex tips like these, check out other videos in this series.More »
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Many people get nervous before their first time with a partner. But you don't have to worry, view this video to get some tips on how to impress your first time.
Transcript: Ian: So this is a question I get a lot from men and from women, 'It is my first time, how do I impress...
Ian: So this is a question I get a lot from men and from women, 'It is my first time, how do I impress my partner?' Logan: And it is a huge fear, a huge fear and insecurity. What if my partner doesn't like what I'm doing? The first thing to remember is to manage your expectations. For example, most women don't have orgasms from intercourse alone. So if your expecting that and that doesn't happen then you might feel badly about yourself. And the fact is, know in advance it probably won't happen from sex alone. Ian: On that same note, studies show that for women to actually enjoy sex and experience orgasm, that parts of the female brain that are associated with stress and anxiety need to deactivate. The first time really can sometimes be a stressful experience. Really focusing on the relaxation bit whether that means dimming the lights or spending a lot of time on kissing and foreplay. Because arousal is it's own neuro-chemical cocktail. The more you let that cocktail do its work, the more inhibited you become, the more relaxed, the more aroused you become. Logan: And you want to be well lubricated especially the first time. You want your partner to be well lubricated. The only way to do that really is to spend some time on foreplay. That will make sex much more enjoyable for both of you.Ian: Exactly. Men, you really need to remember the clitoris is the powerhouse of the female orgasm. There are certain sex positions like 'woman on top' where a woman can really control the persistent pressure against the clitoris. I think 'woman on top' is the position that a woman is most likely to have an orgasm in. Logan: Well, yes. I think it is important to just remember any position where you have access to a woman's clitoris--or at least you can spend some time during intercourse stimulating a woman's clitoris--is going to be a good position. Ian: And like we talked in our other video, outercourse and foreplay and just doing everything you can. So check out those other videos. For tips on how to be a great lover and how to be a great partner and how to communicate, you can go to goodinbed.com or check out other videos in this video series.More »
Last Modified: 2013-06-13 | Tags »
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