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Erectile dysfunction is an embarrassing condition, but it shouldn't be-- it happens to nearly every man. Learn more!
Transcript: Ian: You know it's funny, when we hear about erectile disorder or we see the commercials for Viagra,...
Ian: You know it's funny, when we hear about erectile disorder or we see the commercials for Viagra, we tend to think of older men. But I get a lot of questions from guys in their 20s and early 30s who are suffering from erectile disorder and wonder if they're candidates for Viagra or whatnot. Erectile disorder is definitely something that affects men of all ages. Logan: And women are asking the same questions. They have younger male partners who are certainly not of the stereotypical ED med age and they're wondering is there something wrong with him? Is there something wrong with me? I though guys were supposed to be able get an erection at the drop of a hat? What's going on? Ian: Well, I think one factor is actually it's kind of a tough age, it's a tough era to sometimes be a young guy in. There's a lot of financial uncertainty out there. A lot of guys are unemployed. A lot of guys are worried about their future. And all of that kind of stress and anxiety can really take a toll on erectile quality. If a guy is really anxious and worried about that sort of thing, he might have a problem. Logan: And not to mention all the healthy issues. Smoking, being overweight, drinking too much can all contribute to the problem of erectile dysfunction. Ian: Yeah, I mean the quality of a man's erections, his erectile health, is really a function of his overall health. So if something is going on. If you're a young guy in your 20s or your 30s' it's one thing situationally to sometimes you know suffer from erectile disorder. Logan: Which does happen. The minute you have erectile dysfunction doesn't mean you need to go on meds. Ian: No, and the problem is don't psych yourself out. If it happens, get over it. Sex can be clumsy. Sex can be awkward. Sex has ups and downs -- no puns intended. Logan: And you laugh. There are uncomfortable moments too. Ian: But if you are suffering from ED chronically it could mean that there is a bigger health issue going on and you should absolutely go consult your doctor. Logan: I think that those are really important points. And also to remember that just because we live in a world that we have a million different ads for erectile dysfunction meds it doesn't mean we all have a problem. Ian: No, and a lot of young guys out there sometimes think almost automatically'. Logan: When is it going to happen? Ian: 'Should I take some sort of medication to help with my erection. Anyway, go to your doctor if you're having erectile problems. And if you want more tips like this, check out the other videos in this series.More »
Last Modified: 2013-06-12 | Tags »
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Can’t ejaculate during sex? Delayed ejaculation is a growing problem that can occur for a couple of reasons. Watch this video for more information.
Transcript: Logan: There's some women who have a lot of questions about why it seems like their male partners can't...
Logan: There's some women who have a lot of questions about why it seems like their male partners can't ejaculate or don't ejaculate except for if they're engaged in oral sex or if they're masturbating. Ian: Well, delayed ejaculation really is a growing problem amongst men. And there are actually two reasons for delayed ejaculation. One is millions of men are on antidepressants and drugs and SSRIs that have the sexual side effect of delaying, if not completely inhibiting ejaculation. So that's one problem, if a guy's on a medication like that. Logan: And they're not always talking to their doctors about it. Ian: No, so he's likely to have that problem. The other thing that is interesting is really the rise of Internet pornography. The proliferation and the easy access to internet porn has lead to a phenomenon where a lot of guys are masturbating a lot more than they would normally or over masturbating. What that actually leads to is a clinical condition that's called idiosyncratic masturbatory style. It's a bit of a mouthful, idiosyncratic masturbatory style. But basically what it means is that a guys has gotten himself accustomed to a kind of pressure and friction and rhythm that isn't really approximated with sex with a real person Logan: So vaginal intercourse can't mimic that sensation. Ian: Exactly. Luckily, it's pretty easy to reverse. And I hear this from a lot of guys too, 'Hey, what's the deal why am I having so many problems ejaculating during intercourse?' The first thing I would advise of course if you're on a medication, look into the sexual side effects of that medication. Then also ask yourself, are you masturbating more than usual? If you are, give yourself what I would call a porn break or a masturbation break. The other thing to do is when you're masturbating to masturbate with your non dominate hand. So if you're a righty and you normally masturbate with your right hand, masturbate with your left hand because that will reduce the pressure and friction on the penis. Logan: And mix it up so that you don't have the same sensation all the time so you can start to have pleasure from vaginal intercourse. For more sex tips like these, check out other videos in this seriesMore »
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Do you or your partner have to deal with premature ejaculation without knowing what to do about it? Check out this video for tips on how to prevent premature ejaculation.
Transcript: Ian: This is an issue that I'm really passionate about. It is a topic that comes up a lot in my practice....
Ian: This is an issue that I'm really passionate about. It is a topic that comes up a lot in my practice. I've actually written a new book all about it called Overcoming Premature Ejaculation. It's an issue that guys deal with and also I think a lot of women wonder about too. Logan: Lots of women wonder about it. Because they wonder how they can prolong sex. How they can encourage their partners to feel better about themselves because it becomes an insecurity and anxiety issue. And also it's a relationship issue because typically if a man is ejaculating prematurely, his female partner isn't necessarily getting all the sexual contact and foreplay that she needs. Ian: Exactly, and you know especially in the media where we're used to hearing a lot about erectile disorders and Viagra. But in fact premature ejaculation is a much bigger problem. By most estimates, 1 out of 3 men have premature ejaculation. Just to be specific and to be clear, men on the whole tend to ejaculate somewhat quickly regardless of what we see in porn. Studies have been done that show that even the average guy can last anywhere' and maintains thrusting during intercourse usually from anywhere from 2 to 5 minutes. Logan: And most women don't want hours of thrusting either. We get chaffed. It's not comfortable. Ian: So I think though that for men with premature ejaculation it is a couple of things. It's one, ejaculating usually within a minute. Many men with premature ejaculation can't even make it to the intercourse part. And forget manual stimulation or oral stimulation. It's really very very constricting and very very hard. Logan: So what does woman in this case do who is concerned about her partner and wants to help this? Ian: I think the best thing that a woman can do, to shortcut to the answer, is really encourage him to engage in other means of clitoral stimulation. Really emphasize oral sex, manual stimulation. There are medications that actually have the side effects of delaying ejaculation. This can be a big problem unless you happen to be a premature ejaculator. Then you might benefit from going to a doctor and talking about getting an off label prescription of a low dosage of one of these SSRIs. For more on this you can go to Good in Bed, like I said I wrote a whole book on this called Overcoming Premature Ejaculation, or go to more videos in this series.More »
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Emotionless sex could possibly be a sign that you're in need of something more in your relationship. Watch this video to find out more about what you can do if you're feeling detached during sex.
Transcript: Logan: I often get questions from women who are saying, 'I'm having sex, I'm sexually active but I'm...
Logan: I often get questions from women who are saying, 'I'm having sex, I'm sexually active but I'm not fulfilled. I'm not really into it. It really isn't doing anything for me emotionally.' Are you hearing this too in your practice? Ian: I do. I wonder if part of it is a function of a hook up culture? I think ultimately in the end, sex can be a very meaningful, intimate act. And if you're hooking up casually, it might be fun, it might even be orgasmic but it might not be emotionally fulfilling. Logan: And psychological issues do come into play here. If you're not really connected to your partner, if you're not really into it, if you're not getting pleasure, if you're just having sex for the sake of having sex, you can kind of tune out. Ian: Yeah, I think that is totally true. I think in the end if you want to have a great sex life, ultimately you need to have the kind of relationship that supports having a great sex life. So if you're disconnected, disengaged, unemotional during sex, I would say that's telling you something about the relationship that you're in and the person that you're having sex with. Logan: And that doesn't mean we need to be in these long-term, monogamous, romantic relationships, but it does mean we have to have the kind of partner that we can talk to enough to talk about the challenges that come up so we can find a way to get past them. Ian: Absolutely. And if you're bored in your sex life, it's possible you're bored in your own life or bored in your relationship. That could be a great signal to introduce some novelty into your relationship. Logan: And that's always a good thing. For more sex tips like these, check out more videos in this series.More »
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Are you second to masturbation? While masturbation may be tons of fun for your partner, you may be feeling unfullfilled or insecure. Check out this video for more information about masturbation and its effects on your sex life.
Transcript: Logan: Masturbation is a completely normal and healthy thing, but if you find that your partner is masturbating,...
Logan: Masturbation is a completely normal and healthy thing, but if you find that your partner is masturbating, sometimes you get a little insecure and uncomfortable. 'Is it something wrong with me and am I not satisfying enough?' Ian: Like you said masturbation is normal. It is a very healthy part of life. But I think that if for some reason your partner is over-masturbating or you feel like your sex life isn't where you want it to be, than maybe it can be a problem. Logan: So if it is a replacement for sex with you than it is a problem. Ian: I think than it is a problem. I do want to say that people in healthy relationships masturbate. There have been some studies that have even shown couples with great sex lives do tend to masturbate more than single people. Because their eroticized, their testosterone levels are up, they're feeling good about their self esteem and about their sexuality. Logan: And masturbation is a really important and healthy part of our sex lives that we often forget about -- that we get to know about our own bodies better. The more we know what gives us pleasure the more that we can translate that to someone else. We have friend who has masturbated every morning in the shower since he was 15 years old. His wife knows and it is not really a big deal. It is just part of a routine and it doesn't mean that your sex life is lacking at all. Ian: And I think it is like you said, it's normal, it's healthy, it's relaxing. Sometimes it can be a problem and in another video, stay tuned in this series, we'll talk about when masturbation can be a problem. But know that it is also really healthy. Logan: And really good for a relationship, too. For more sexual health tips, check out more videos in this series.More »
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Are you second to porn? Porn can be an exciting to get riled up but it could also be a problem in a relationship. Check out this video to find out more about what happens when porn takes over.
Transcript: Ian: This is a question that I get a lot from women and also from guys: Guys telling me, "Hey, I'm masturbating...
Ian: This is a question that I get a lot from women and also from guys: Guys telling me, "Hey, I'm masturbating to porn a lot more than usual. Could this be a problem?" The first thing I want to say is masturbation is healthy and I don't necessarily think that porn is a problem. Guys are extremely visual they respond to visual stimulation. Porn is just part of in some ways having a healthy approach to masturbation. Logan: I'm glad that you say that, Ian. Because I think that both men and women use erotica and pornography in a lot of ways. It does serve a purpose; it turns us on, it can enhance our fantasy life. That being said, you know it does come with some challenges too. Ian: I think the biggest problem is, especially with internet pornography and the easy access and the rapid proliferation of internet porn... Logan: And 24 hour access... Ian: ...And 24 hours. I think a lot of guys use it as a crutch. Some guys use porn to self medicate and deal with anxiety. Sometimes men find it's easier to masturbate than have sex with their partners-- it becomes kind of a form of lazy sex. Logan: So that certainly becomes a problem. Ian: I think if it is detracting from your relationship. I also think that some guys suffer from something that I call "sexual attention deficit disorder." I coined the term, it's not a real medical term. I think that guys with porn get so used to a degree of visual stimulation and a high degree of visual novelty that they sometimes have a hard time focusing on prolonged acts of intimacy. Logan: It's really interesting that you say that. I think we are starting to see kind of the effects of long-term pornography use. But also we have to remember how to use pornography in a safe way, how to involve it in our relationships, how to make it not a supplement or replacement for partners. And also, to recognize that it does not take the place of a real life relationship nor should it teach about how to engage in a relationship with someone else. Ian: And you made a great point which is that one of the nice benefits of porn becoming a little more mainstream is that couples can enjoy it together without the same stigma or taboos. So not and easy question with a simple answer -- can be pleasure, can be a problem. And if you want more videos in this series, just check them out. More information available in this series.More »
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Wondering what happens during your first time? These cherry popping myths will share the truth about losing your virginity. Don't believe everything you hear!
Transcript: Logan: A question that I get a lot is, 'What's the first time going to be like?' There are so many myths...
Logan: A question that I get a lot is, 'What's the first time going to be like?' There are so many myths about what it means to lose your virginity. Probably one of the biggest myths is that the hymen has to break in order to tell if someone is a virgin. Here's the thing, the hymen is a thin tissue that partially covers the opening to the vagina. And most women, most girls will tear their hymen long before they've ever had intercourse for the first time. So the answer to that is no, the hymen doesn't have to break or pop. Some women experience bleeding the first time they have sex, the first few times, some do not. Ian: You know what else I think is a big myth? That it is going to be the most fabulous night of your life, a night to remember. Logan: Oh, bad build up. Ian: You know statistics show, a lot of studies show that a lot of people regret their first experience or it didn't go well or it was disappointing. I know for a lot of men, especially a lot of young guys, they end up prematurely ejaculating. Which is a problem that I'll talk about in a later video but is really quite common. And also most women don't orgasm from/during their first experience either. Logan: We have big expectations for the first time and ideally the first time is wonderful, but your right it doesn't mean you're going to have an orgasm. Also, some people, both men and women, think you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex. Well, the truth is you can get pregnant. You can also get a sexually transmitted infection the first time you have sex. If it's unprotected, there's a risk. Ian: I played Moody Blues the first time. Big myth: Moody Blues does not lead to female orgasm. Pick your music well. But it is important to relax and enjoy. Logan: Yes, and destress and communicate. Talk about what you want your first time and hopefully it will be somewhat pleasurable. Ian: And do it with somebody that you care about. You're going to remember it. Logan: Intimacy is a good thing. For more information on good in bed tips, check out goodinbed.com or other videos in this series.More »
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Many people get nervous before their first time with a partner. But you don't have to worry, view this video to get some tips on how to impress your first time.
Transcript: Ian: So this is a question I get a lot from men and from women, 'It is my first time, how do I impress...
Ian: So this is a question I get a lot from men and from women, 'It is my first time, how do I impress my partner?' Logan: And it is a huge fear, a huge fear and insecurity. What if my partner doesn't like what I'm doing? The first thing to remember is to manage your expectations. For example, most women don't have orgasms from intercourse alone. So if your expecting that and that doesn't happen then you might feel badly about yourself. And the fact is, know in advance it probably won't happen from sex alone. Ian: On that same note, studies show that for women to actually enjoy sex and experience orgasm, that parts of the female brain that are associated with stress and anxiety need to deactivate. The first time really can sometimes be a stressful experience. Really focusing on the relaxation bit whether that means dimming the lights or spending a lot of time on kissing and foreplay. Because arousal is it's own neuro-chemical cocktail. The more you let that cocktail do its work, the more inhibited you become, the more relaxed, the more aroused you become. Logan: And you want to be well lubricated especially the first time. You want your partner to be well lubricated. The only way to do that really is to spend some time on foreplay. That will make sex much more enjoyable for both of you.Ian: Exactly. Men, you really need to remember the clitoris is the powerhouse of the female orgasm. There are certain sex positions like 'woman on top' where a woman can really control the persistent pressure against the clitoris. I think 'woman on top' is the position that a woman is most likely to have an orgasm in. Logan: Well, yes. I think it is important to just remember any position where you have access to a woman's clitoris--or at least you can spend some time during intercourse stimulating a woman's clitoris--is going to be a good position. Ian: And like we talked in our other video, outercourse and foreplay and just doing everything you can. So check out those other videos. For tips on how to be a great lover and how to be a great partner and how to communicate, you can go to goodinbed.com or check out other videos in this video series.More »
Last Modified: 2013-06-13 | Tags »
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Women sometimes fake orgasms, but men do too. Find out the reasons a man would fake an orgasm by watching this video.
Transcript: Ian: This is a question that is obviously on every man's mind is how to know when a woman is faking it,...
Ian: This is a question that is obviously on every man's mind is how to know when a woman is faking it, or why does a women fake it, and how to deal with faking. Logan: You know why we're faking it? We're concerned about your ego. We don't want you to feel badly about your sexual prowess. And we do ourselves a huge disservice when we fake it because than neither of us actually get the satisfaction that we want. Ian: I think in some cases, a lot of women living in a world of media, growing up in a world of media that kind of focuses on sex tips to pleasure men, a lot of women sort of don't always know how to receive pleasure as well as give pleasure. Logan: And forget about the importance of getting pleasure themselves. Ian: I should also just say to the guys out there that the more you get your sex tips from porn, actually the less likely that a woman is to have an orgasm. Studies have shown that for a woman to really enjoy arousal and experience an orgasm she really has to be able to relax and disconnect. And that means just feeling completely secure in herself and her own body. If you're worried whether or not you have to make like a pornstar' you might fake like a pornstar but your not really going to have an orgasm Logan: And it also means for men checking in with their partner to really say, 'I want you to have pleasure. Please show me, tell me what I can do.' Ian: And it's also like a little bit for the all women out there too' for us guys, if a tree falls and there's nobody there to hear it does it really fall? You have to speak up and tell us. Like a lot of women, especially in my practice will say, 'I've been faking it for years.' And they're so angry. Logan: Oh that does a huge disservice to everyone. Ian: 'and the guy is like, 'I don't understand I thought I was doing great?' Logan: I know, we do have to speak up and we have to talk and we have to be honest or else neither of us is going to get the pleasure we want and deserve. Ian: So viva la vulva. And for more videos in this series check out goodinbed.com or check out more videos and more tips in this series.More »
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Is it possible for a man to fake an orgasm? Watch this video to learn why a man may want to fake ejaculation, and how he gets away with it!
Transcript: Logan: There are a lot of women who are out there and wondering is it possible for a guy to fake it?...
Logan: There are a lot of women who are out there and wondering is it possible for a guy to fake it? And what does it mean if your guy is faking an orgasm? Ian: Well, it is absolutely possible for men to fake it. Logan: Which a lot of women are going to be surprised by. Ian: I know, and a lot of women refuse to believe that. They think that they are the only ones that can fake it and get away with it. Let me first say that men who fake that is actually on the rise. It's really a product of a situation that's called delayed ejaculation. A lot of men these days are on medications, especially SSRIs and antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs that have the side effect of delaying or inhibiting ejaculation. I want to say that a lot of men who are suffering from sexual side effects and don't want to bruise the ego of their partners or don't want to hurt their partner's feeling will end up faking it. And honestly, if you're using a condom, first of all which a lot of people are using' Logan: 'and should be using. Ian: 'than it's no problem. A guy will just do the same thing a woman does; groan a lot, thrash a lot, and fake it. But also I do have to say, that even a lot of women will say, 'Well, I will know because we don't use condoms.' But the seminal output, the seminal fluid varies from guy to guy and from situation to situation. So it's absolutely possible for a guy to fake it. Logan: And if we're good, caring partners who believe in mutual pleasure than hopefully we're talking to and we're saying, 'If this isn't satisfying to you, let us know because we want you to feel pleasure too'. So we women have a role in this as well. Ian: Absolutely, and very often it is not a function of the person that a guy is with. It is not a function of his partner, it really is usually is a side effect related to medication or some deeper level of stress or anxiety. Logan: Or the pressure we put on being a great lover or having great sex. And that can be as anxiety producing for a man as it is for a woman. For more tips like these, check out more videos at this site.More »
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Taking forever to orgasm? There are plenty of factors involved in delayed orgasms. Watch this video to learn more about the topic and get tips for a quick orgasm.
Transcript: Logan: You know, Ian, in this world of instant gratification, we want everything and we want it fast....
Logan: You know, Ian, in this world of instant gratification, we want everything and we want it fast. And when it comes to sex and pleasure if just doesn't work that way. So there are plenty of women who are wondering why it takes them so long to reach orgasm? Ian: One of the first things I would say again, as we've said in some other videos, for a woman to enjoy arousal and experience orgasm it does require parts of the brain to deactivate, which means being able to really relax and let go. I think a big part of is also a lack of persistent clitoral stimulation. Often, very often, I think just when a woman is really getting excited and getting really aroused and doesn't want a guy to stop what he's doing, he often will change things up. Logan: At very inopportune moments. And the other thing about women is that we don't always feel comfortable talking about our bodies and we are not as familiar as men are with masturbation. So sometimes it takes us a while because we don't even know what turns us on. And if we don't, I don't know how we expect someone else to get it right. Ian: And women are slower to arouse than men. That might just be an evolutionary function of how we're sort of wired and how our bodies are kind of mechanized. Blood flows very quick into the male genitals and guys get erect very quickly. Most guys will ejaculate within 2 minutes or so of intercourse. Women just require a lot more persistent clitoral stimulation. Logan: Right, so foreplay is so important. Not being stressed about the time it takes to have an orgasm is important. And really just disconnecting and kind of enjoying the journey and not just waiting for the end. Because if we just wait for the orgasm then it can psyche us out all together. Ian: Perfectly said. Logan: For more sexual health tips like these, check out goodinbed.com or other videos on this site.More »
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In addition to being fun, orgasms also have some health benefits. Learn more about orgasms and your health from this video.
Transcript: Ian: This is something that I end up talking about a lot because there really is a correlation between...
Ian: This is something that I end up talking about a lot because there really is a correlation between one's overall health and your sexual health. It's important to have a healthy sex life and it is important to have orgasms. Orgasms are healthy. Logan: That's the big headline here. Orgasms are good for your health. And people are going to love hearing that. Because it is not just pleasure for the sake of pleasure, right. I mean, being sexually active and having orgasms means that you boost your immunity, you're producing attachment hormones so you're bonded, you're alleviating stress and menstrual cramps -- all these great things. Ian: You're burning calories. You know if you're a little energetic, your burning calories. For men, when you orgasm you're also flushing toxins out of your prostate. So you're actually helping your prostate health. And there have been studies in male sexuality that have shown that men who have orgasms 2 to 3 times per week are less likely to have heart attacks than men who don't. And what that is actually saying is not that orgasms prevent heart attacks but that if you're overall maintaining a healthy lifestyle, you probably have a healthier sex life. You're having more orgasms and hence you are healthier and happier overall. Logan: So pleasure is good for you. Ian: For more tips on pleasure and enjoying your sex life, check out more videos in this series.More »
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We don't hear much about male multiple orgasms. Find out if they're possible and how they work in this video.
Transcript: Logan: We hear often about women and multiple orgasms, but we don't hear that much about men. Probably...
Logan: We hear often about women and multiple orgasms, but we don't hear that much about men. Probably because of that refractory period we all hear about. So is it possible, Ian, for men to have multiple orgasms? Ian: It is possible. Well, you hear a lot about male multiple orgasms. One thing I want to say is that women have a genuine physiological capacity to have multiple orgasms. Because after a women has an orgasm, there is more blood that lingers in the genitals and there's still residual sexual tension. As you said earlier, men tend to go very quickly into the refractory period, which is the pre-aroused state. Logan: Which is the roll over phase. Ian: The roll over and start snoring phase or I don't know, go to Hulu and watch something. What I want to say is men can experience multiple orgasms but not quiet in the same way. See men experience...as a guy gets aroused right before he ejaculates, he experiences a point of ejaculatory inevitability. And that means that with or without further stimulation, a guy's going to ejaculate. Logan: It's going to happen Ian: But as a guy and as a woman and as his partner, if you become attuned to those moments right before the moment of ejaculatory inevitability, there are actually a few pleasurable sort of orgasmic contractions. Guys might emit a little bit of seminal fluid also called pre-cum, and that feels good. But you really have to sort of be able to navigate. It's kind of like being able to go right up to the brink and pull back a little bit and go back'. Logan: So you have to really need to know your body and your partner's body. Which takes some time to learn. Ian: And that is different than the female body. Women have a more genuine, more physiological innately capacity for multiple orgasms. But again men can have, it is really about extending pleasure and being aware and in tune with your partners body. Logan: So you hear that; men can have multiple orgasms. For more tips like these, check out good in bed.com or other videos on this site.More »
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