Pleasuring Him Orally
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Looking to pleasure him, orally? Well, our experts Ian Kerner and Logan Levkoff know the ins-and-outs from friction and pressure to using your tongue in "other" ways and they're sharing the best tips with you.
Transcript: Logan: A question that a lot of women have is, how do I know if I'm giving a good blow job? How do I...
Logan: A question that a lot of women have is, how do I know if I'm giving a good blow job? How do I know if I'm doing the right thing? And if I'm not, what am I supposed to do? Ian: I think one of the things' I think women are under a lot of pressure of course, from porn you see women doing things during oral sex that most women are not so comfortable with' Logan: Definitely not comfortable with' Ian: The main thing I want to say as a guy, is that a woman should really be comfortable with it and be into it. The hottest thing to a guy is a woman who is enjoying what she is doing and isn't nervous about it or worried about it. That said, I think a lot of women, just like guys don't get to see how a woman would self pleasure herself, a lot of women don't get to see a guy do it. For a lot of women who are wondering about oral sex tips, think about a combination of friction and pressure. That's what it really comes down to, friction at the head of the penis and pressure at the base of the penis. Oral sex is not just about the mouth. It is about your mind, your mouth, and your hands. And it is really about getting completely involved and enjoying what you're doing. Logan: And I think is also about making sure we're getting constant feedback from our partners. Following their body language, listening to cues, listening to breathe patterns. We can tell if someone is into it or if they're just kind of lying there and not all that interested too. Ian: Yeah, men will also loose their erections during oral sex. Logan: That would be a good sign. Ian: That would be sign. Logan: For more tips like these, check out other videos in this series.More »
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Foreplay is important and outercourse is the new intercourse. Watch this video for tips on better foreplay.
Transcript: Ian: I get asked this question a lot; how important is foreplay? I especially want to say to the men...
Ian: I get asked this question a lot; how important is foreplay? I especially want to say to the men out there that foreplay is all play. Logan: Without foreplay, you aren't getting any play. Ian: No play, right. Study after study shows that 80% of women do not orgasm from intercourse alone. The clitoris is the powerhouse of the female orgasm. Logan: Which is part of the vulva outside not inside of the vagina. Ian: Right, 90% of the nerve fibers that contribute to the female orgasm are located on the surface of the vulva. So I like to say that many men through no fault of their own are what I call "illclitorate." Many men need to get "clitorate." They need to understand that the clitoris is the powerhouse of the female orgasm and foreplay is coreplay. Logan: Foreplay is also important because women need to turn on head to toe. Sexuality and arousal is holistic. We need to turn on mentally, physically, emotionally. When you just go right for intercourse, we kind of freak out a little bit, we are a little bit uncomfortable. We need to turn on. We need to take time and you need to take time with us. And not just the breast and genitals, all the other erogenous zones; the back of our neck, the back of our knee, our hips, anything else. Ian: All of that touch produces oxytocin, which helps women engage in sex. All that foreplay helps women deactivate mentally which is also important to female orgasm. And let's remember that in the end, and orgasm really consists of two processes physiologically; blood flows to the genitals and tension developing throughout the entire body. The more foreplay the more sexual tension the more sexual tension that gets released, the more powerful the orgasm. Logan: And the better lubrication, better sex. Ian: For more foreplay tips check out other videos in this series or go to goodinbed.comMore »
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Many people get nervous before their first time with a partner. But you don't have to worry, view this video to get some tips on how to impress your first time.
Transcript: Ian: So this is a question I get a lot from men and from women, 'It is my first time, how do I impress...
Ian: So this is a question I get a lot from men and from women, 'It is my first time, how do I impress my partner?' Logan: And it is a huge fear, a huge fear and insecurity. What if my partner doesn't like what I'm doing? The first thing to remember is to manage your expectations. For example, most women don't have orgasms from intercourse alone. So if your expecting that and that doesn't happen then you might feel badly about yourself. And the fact is, know in advance it probably won't happen from sex alone. Ian: On that same note, studies show that for women to actually enjoy sex and experience orgasm, that parts of the female brain that are associated with stress and anxiety need to deactivate. The first time really can sometimes be a stressful experience. Really focusing on the relaxation bit whether that means dimming the lights or spending a lot of time on kissing and foreplay. Because arousal is it's own neuro-chemical cocktail. The more you let that cocktail do its work, the more inhibited you become, the more relaxed, the more aroused you become. Logan: And you want to be well lubricated especially the first time. You want your partner to be well lubricated. The only way to do that really is to spend some time on foreplay. That will make sex much more enjoyable for both of you.Ian: Exactly. Men, you really need to remember the clitoris is the powerhouse of the female orgasm. There are certain sex positions like 'woman on top' where a woman can really control the persistent pressure against the clitoris. I think 'woman on top' is the position that a woman is most likely to have an orgasm in. Logan: Well, yes. I think it is important to just remember any position where you have access to a woman's clitoris--or at least you can spend some time during intercourse stimulating a woman's clitoris--is going to be a good position. Ian: And like we talked in our other video, outercourse and foreplay and just doing everything you can. So check out those other videos. For tips on how to be a great lover and how to be a great partner and how to communicate, you can go to goodinbed.com or check out other videos in this video series.More »
Last Modified: 2013-06-13 | Tags »
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Wondering what happens during your first time? These cherry popping myths will share the truth about losing your virginity. Don't believe everything you hear!
Transcript: Logan: A question that I get a lot is, 'What's the first time going to be like?' There are so many myths...
Logan: A question that I get a lot is, 'What's the first time going to be like?' There are so many myths about what it means to lose your virginity. Probably one of the biggest myths is that the hymen has to break in order to tell if someone is a virgin. Here's the thing, the hymen is a thin tissue that partially covers the opening to the vagina. And most women, most girls will tear their hymen long before they've ever had intercourse for the first time. So the answer to that is no, the hymen doesn't have to break or pop. Some women experience bleeding the first time they have sex, the first few times, some do not. Ian: You know what else I think is a big myth? That it is going to be the most fabulous night of your life, a night to remember. Logan: Oh, bad build up. Ian: You know statistics show, a lot of studies show that a lot of people regret their first experience or it didn't go well or it was disappointing. I know for a lot of men, especially a lot of young guys, they end up prematurely ejaculating. Which is a problem that I'll talk about in a later video but is really quite common. And also most women don't orgasm from/during their first experience either. Logan: We have big expectations for the first time and ideally the first time is wonderful, but your right it doesn't mean you're going to have an orgasm. Also, some people, both men and women, think you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex. Well, the truth is you can get pregnant. You can also get a sexually transmitted infection the first time you have sex. If it's unprotected, there's a risk. Ian: I played Moody Blues the first time. Big myth: Moody Blues does not lead to female orgasm. Pick your music well. But it is important to relax and enjoy. Logan: Yes, and destress and communicate. Talk about what you want your first time and hopefully it will be somewhat pleasurable. Ian: And do it with somebody that you care about. You're going to remember it. Logan: Intimacy is a good thing. For more information on good in bed tips, check out goodinbed.com or other videos in this series.More »
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Women sometimes fake orgasms, but men do too. Find out the reasons a man would fake an orgasm by watching this video.
Transcript: Ian: This is a question that is obviously on every man's mind is how to know when a woman is faking it,...
Ian: This is a question that is obviously on every man's mind is how to know when a woman is faking it, or why does a women fake it, and how to deal with faking. Logan: You know why we're faking it? We're concerned about your ego. We don't want you to feel badly about your sexual prowess. And we do ourselves a huge disservice when we fake it because than neither of us actually get the satisfaction that we want. Ian: I think in some cases, a lot of women living in a world of media, growing up in a world of media that kind of focuses on sex tips to pleasure men, a lot of women sort of don't always know how to receive pleasure as well as give pleasure. Logan: And forget about the importance of getting pleasure themselves. Ian: I should also just say to the guys out there that the more you get your sex tips from porn, actually the less likely that a woman is to have an orgasm. Studies have shown that for a woman to really enjoy arousal and experience an orgasm she really has to be able to relax and disconnect. And that means just feeling completely secure in herself and her own body. If you're worried whether or not you have to make like a pornstar' you might fake like a pornstar but your not really going to have an orgasm Logan: And it also means for men checking in with their partner to really say, 'I want you to have pleasure. Please show me, tell me what I can do.' Ian: And it's also like a little bit for the all women out there too' for us guys, if a tree falls and there's nobody there to hear it does it really fall? You have to speak up and tell us. Like a lot of women, especially in my practice will say, 'I've been faking it for years.' And they're so angry. Logan: Oh that does a huge disservice to everyone. Ian: 'and the guy is like, 'I don't understand I thought I was doing great?' Logan: I know, we do have to speak up and we have to talk and we have to be honest or else neither of us is going to get the pleasure we want and deserve. Ian: So viva la vulva. And for more videos in this series check out goodinbed.com or check out more videos and more tips in this series.More »
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Quick, instant and passionate love making can have more benefits than you might think. Watch this video to learn more about quickies and their benefits.
Transcript: Logan: We have sex for all different reasons and sometimes we have quickies. What's the benefit? Ian:...
Logan: We have sex for all different reasons and sometimes we have quickies. What's the benefit? Ian: Well, I think that quickies are great in terms of enhancing intimacy. Especially these days, I mean we are all so limited with our schedules. Logan: Time is limited. Ian: That actually taking the time to have a quickie or at least' I like to think of quickies as not so much experiences that have to have an orgasm because actually a quickie probably may lead to a guy having an orgasm but more than likely' Logan: Chances are she's not getting one. Ian: Right. That said though, there are definite benefits to quickies for women. Again, not so much the intercourse or the orgasm part but for example there was a study that showed that if you hug your partner for 30 seconds, especially in women, it increases oxytocin. And oxytocin is a hormone that helps a woman to feel connected. It is called the cuddle hormone. So just taking 30 seconds. I mean I would consider a 30 second' I mean a 30 second hug is a quickie of a certain type? Logan: I don't know if our viewers will think the same as you. But any kind of touch even if it is a fast and furious sexual experience is still touch. Ian: And it builds up anticipation and it tantalizes you and I think there are so many mental benefits to just constant physical intimacy. Logan: And a great release even if it's, you know, only a couple minutes long. So for more information like this, check out other videos in this series.More »
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Can’t ejaculate during sex? Delayed ejaculation is a growing problem that can occur for a couple of reasons. Watch this video for more information.
Transcript: Logan: There's some women who have a lot of questions about why it seems like their male partners can't...
Logan: There's some women who have a lot of questions about why it seems like their male partners can't ejaculate or don't ejaculate except for if they're engaged in oral sex or if they're masturbating. Ian: Well, delayed ejaculation really is a growing problem amongst men. And there are actually two reasons for delayed ejaculation. One is millions of men are on antidepressants and drugs and SSRIs that have the sexual side effect of delaying, if not completely inhibiting ejaculation. So that's one problem, if a guy's on a medication like that. Logan: And they're not always talking to their doctors about it. Ian: No, so he's likely to have that problem. The other thing that is interesting is really the rise of Internet pornography. The proliferation and the easy access to internet porn has lead to a phenomenon where a lot of guys are masturbating a lot more than they would normally or over masturbating. What that actually leads to is a clinical condition that's called idiosyncratic masturbatory style. It's a bit of a mouthful, idiosyncratic masturbatory style. But basically what it means is that a guys has gotten himself accustomed to a kind of pressure and friction and rhythm that isn't really approximated with sex with a real person Logan: So vaginal intercourse can't mimic that sensation. Ian: Exactly. Luckily, it's pretty easy to reverse. And I hear this from a lot of guys too, 'Hey, what's the deal why am I having so many problems ejaculating during intercourse?' The first thing I would advise of course if you're on a medication, look into the sexual side effects of that medication. Then also ask yourself, are you masturbating more than usual? If you are, give yourself what I would call a porn break or a masturbation break. The other thing to do is when you're masturbating to masturbate with your non dominate hand. So if you're a righty and you normally masturbate with your right hand, masturbate with your left hand because that will reduce the pressure and friction on the penis. Logan: And mix it up so that you don't have the same sensation all the time so you can start to have pleasure from vaginal intercourse. For more sex tips like these, check out other videos in this seriesMore »
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When you get used to the same sex position, it could potentially take the spontaneity out of things. Boosting the excitement in the bedroom may just be a matter of having the right moves. Check out this video for tips on how to spice things up.
Transcript: Logan: Sometimes we get used to the same position and it becomes the only position we can orgasm in....
Logan: Sometimes we get used to the same position and it becomes the only position we can orgasm in. Is this normal? And why do some people only climax in one position over another? Ian: I think it's really normal, especially in a long-term relationship to develop what I would call a 'sex script.' There's nothing wrong, especially if you're enjoying the sex, knowing which positions really work for you. And everybody is different. Some women find that really being on top really provides the most clitoral stimulation. Some couples really just love missionary position. We love to say missionary is you know so simple or so boring, but it is a very exciting position in terms of the intimacy and the eye contact. Logan: And vanilla sex is still sex. I might be the missionary position but it's still sex. We read all these magazines that say, '5,000 new sex positions.' If we're not interested in those or if they don't work for us when we're trying to follow them, we start to feel badly that there is something wrong with us or our relationship. But if it works for you it works for you. Ian: I totally agree. I'm definitely of the mind if it's not broken you don't need to fix it. And if it works' It is also a question of finding the positions that work for you as well. Some men really find' just like as women need positions that provide clitoral stimulation. Like there's also the coital alignment technique called CAT. Where it's really about the base of his penis and pelvis really meeting a woman's clitoris. Instead of a lot of thrusting it is more about that persistent connection and kind of a grinding and a rocking. Some men find that they need a position from like let's say behind -- provides a lot more friction. It's really about finding what works for you. Logan: And not feeling badly if it's the only thing that works for you. For more sex tips like these, check out other videos in this series.More »
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Do you or your partner have to deal with premature ejaculation without knowing what to do about it? Check out this video for tips on how to prevent premature ejaculation.
Transcript: Ian: This is an issue that I'm really passionate about. It is a topic that comes up a lot in my practice....
Ian: This is an issue that I'm really passionate about. It is a topic that comes up a lot in my practice. I've actually written a new book all about it called Overcoming Premature Ejaculation. It's an issue that guys deal with and also I think a lot of women wonder about too. Logan: Lots of women wonder about it. Because they wonder how they can prolong sex. How they can encourage their partners to feel better about themselves because it becomes an insecurity and anxiety issue. And also it's a relationship issue because typically if a man is ejaculating prematurely, his female partner isn't necessarily getting all the sexual contact and foreplay that she needs. Ian: Exactly, and you know especially in the media where we're used to hearing a lot about erectile disorders and Viagra. But in fact premature ejaculation is a much bigger problem. By most estimates, 1 out of 3 men have premature ejaculation. Just to be specific and to be clear, men on the whole tend to ejaculate somewhat quickly regardless of what we see in porn. Studies have been done that show that even the average guy can last anywhere' and maintains thrusting during intercourse usually from anywhere from 2 to 5 minutes. Logan: And most women don't want hours of thrusting either. We get chaffed. It's not comfortable. Ian: So I think though that for men with premature ejaculation it is a couple of things. It's one, ejaculating usually within a minute. Many men with premature ejaculation can't even make it to the intercourse part. And forget manual stimulation or oral stimulation. It's really very very constricting and very very hard. Logan: So what does woman in this case do who is concerned about her partner and wants to help this? Ian: I think the best thing that a woman can do, to shortcut to the answer, is really encourage him to engage in other means of clitoral stimulation. Really emphasize oral sex, manual stimulation. There are medications that actually have the side effects of delaying ejaculation. This can be a big problem unless you happen to be a premature ejaculator. Then you might benefit from going to a doctor and talking about getting an off label prescription of a low dosage of one of these SSRIs. For more on this you can go to Good in Bed, like I said I wrote a whole book on this called Overcoming Premature Ejaculation, or go to more videos in this series.More »
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Emotionless sex could possibly be a sign that you're in need of something more in your relationship. Watch this video to find out more about what you can do if you're feeling detached during sex.
Transcript: Logan: I often get questions from women who are saying, 'I'm having sex, I'm sexually active but I'm...
Logan: I often get questions from women who are saying, 'I'm having sex, I'm sexually active but I'm not fulfilled. I'm not really into it. It really isn't doing anything for me emotionally.' Are you hearing this too in your practice? Ian: I do. I wonder if part of it is a function of a hook up culture? I think ultimately in the end, sex can be a very meaningful, intimate act. And if you're hooking up casually, it might be fun, it might even be orgasmic but it might not be emotionally fulfilling. Logan: And psychological issues do come into play here. If you're not really connected to your partner, if you're not really into it, if you're not getting pleasure, if you're just having sex for the sake of having sex, you can kind of tune out. Ian: Yeah, I think that is totally true. I think in the end if you want to have a great sex life, ultimately you need to have the kind of relationship that supports having a great sex life. So if you're disconnected, disengaged, unemotional during sex, I would say that's telling you something about the relationship that you're in and the person that you're having sex with. Logan: And that doesn't mean we need to be in these long-term, monogamous, romantic relationships, but it does mean we have to have the kind of partner that we can talk to enough to talk about the challenges that come up so we can find a way to get past them. Ian: Absolutely. And if you're bored in your sex life, it's possible you're bored in your own life or bored in your relationship. That could be a great signal to introduce some novelty into your relationship. Logan: And that's always a good thing. For more sex tips like these, check out more videos in this series.More »
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Are you second to masturbation? While masturbation may be tons of fun for your partner, you may be feeling unfullfilled or insecure. Check out this video for more information about masturbation and its effects on your sex life.
Transcript: Logan: Masturbation is a completely normal and healthy thing, but if you find that your partner is masturbating,...
Logan: Masturbation is a completely normal and healthy thing, but if you find that your partner is masturbating, sometimes you get a little insecure and uncomfortable. 'Is it something wrong with me and am I not satisfying enough?' Ian: Like you said masturbation is normal. It is a very healthy part of life. But I think that if for some reason your partner is over-masturbating or you feel like your sex life isn't where you want it to be, than maybe it can be a problem. Logan: So if it is a replacement for sex with you than it is a problem. Ian: I think than it is a problem. I do want to say that people in healthy relationships masturbate. There have been some studies that have even shown couples with great sex lives do tend to masturbate more than single people. Because their eroticized, their testosterone levels are up, they're feeling good about their self esteem and about their sexuality. Logan: And masturbation is a really important and healthy part of our sex lives that we often forget about -- that we get to know about our own bodies better. The more we know what gives us pleasure the more that we can translate that to someone else. We have friend who has masturbated every morning in the shower since he was 15 years old. His wife knows and it is not really a big deal. It is just part of a routine and it doesn't mean that your sex life is lacking at all. Ian: And I think it is like you said, it's normal, it's healthy, it's relaxing. Sometimes it can be a problem and in another video, stay tuned in this series, we'll talk about when masturbation can be a problem. But know that it is also really healthy. Logan: And really good for a relationship, too. For more sexual health tips, check out more videos in this series.More »
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Are you second to porn? Porn can be an exciting to get riled up but it could also be a problem in a relationship. Check out this video to find out more about what happens when porn takes over.
Transcript: Ian: This is a question that I get a lot from women and also from guys: Guys telling me, "Hey, I'm masturbating...
Ian: This is a question that I get a lot from women and also from guys: Guys telling me, "Hey, I'm masturbating to porn a lot more than usual. Could this be a problem?" The first thing I want to say is masturbation is healthy and I don't necessarily think that porn is a problem. Guys are extremely visual they respond to visual stimulation. Porn is just part of in some ways having a healthy approach to masturbation. Logan: I'm glad that you say that, Ian. Because I think that both men and women use erotica and pornography in a lot of ways. It does serve a purpose; it turns us on, it can enhance our fantasy life. That being said, you know it does come with some challenges too. Ian: I think the biggest problem is, especially with internet pornography and the easy access and the rapid proliferation of internet porn... Logan: And 24 hour access... Ian: ...And 24 hours. I think a lot of guys use it as a crutch. Some guys use porn to self medicate and deal with anxiety. Sometimes men find it's easier to masturbate than have sex with their partners-- it becomes kind of a form of lazy sex. Logan: So that certainly becomes a problem. Ian: I think if it is detracting from your relationship. I also think that some guys suffer from something that I call "sexual attention deficit disorder." I coined the term, it's not a real medical term. I think that guys with porn get so used to a degree of visual stimulation and a high degree of visual novelty that they sometimes have a hard time focusing on prolonged acts of intimacy. Logan: It's really interesting that you say that. I think we are starting to see kind of the effects of long-term pornography use. But also we have to remember how to use pornography in a safe way, how to involve it in our relationships, how to make it not a supplement or replacement for partners. And also, to recognize that it does not take the place of a real life relationship nor should it teach about how to engage in a relationship with someone else. Ian: And you made a great point which is that one of the nice benefits of porn becoming a little more mainstream is that couples can enjoy it together without the same stigma or taboos. So not and easy question with a simple answer -- can be pleasure, can be a problem. And if you want more videos in this series, just check them out. More information available in this series.More »
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Open communication, -- think talking about sexual fantasies-- makes kinky sex easy to initiate and have fun with. Get to know more in this video.
Transcript: Ian: Maybe you're wondering, 'How do I get my girlfriend or boyfriend to be a little more kinky in bed?'...
Ian: Maybe you're wondering, 'How do I get my girlfriend or boyfriend to be a little more kinky in bed?' I think it's really natural. You know in the beginning of a relationship you can't keep your hands off each other, you're often falling in love, and your brain chemistry is sort of doing a lot in terms of generating excitement. But after a while you kind of need to keep generating the excitement. So how do you get your partner to kind of go outside their comfort zone a little bit? Logan: Well, novelty is great. Novelty is healthy for a relationship. Even the anticipation of talking about what you may or may not want to try. Open communication: Talking about fantasies, sharing what's on your mind, things you've always wanted to do or even just verbalizing what you've heard other people do. It's exciting. It's all psychological. And that is the best part, you can always switch it up. Ian: I think what's interesting to' I think when people think of doing something kinky or having a kinky fantasy' You know fantasies in their unadulterated form are kind of extreme. But especially in terms of real sex, a little goes a long way. Sometimes talking about your fantasy or figuring out, 'Well, this is like an extreme version of an fantasy, but what's like the shallow end? And how do I dip my toe into the shallow end a little bit?' Logan: There is nothing wrong with wanting to be kinky. This word gets this really bad rap of being kind of dirty and taboo. The fact of the matter is that we all have it in us to have these fantasies that go outside of convention. Not only is that okay, but it's really quite normal. Ian: Its' normal and it keeps things interesting. If you're a little bashful about it you can always tell your partner, 'Hey, I had the sexiest, craziest, kinkiest dream. I don't know what was going on in my unconscious, but let me tell you we were doing some teacher/ student, we were doing whatever'' Logan: ''And maybe we can try it later?' Ian: The point is to start talking about it and take it from there. Logan: And own it. Own the desires. Ian: And if you want to own more of your desires, you can own them by watching more videos in this series.More »
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