Quickies and Their Benefits
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Curious if that quickie session your partner keeps pushing is really worth it? Well, our experts Ian Kerner and Logan Levkoff can fill you in on the benefits while passing a few tips your way.
Transcript: Logan: We have sex for all different reasons and sometimes we have quickies. What's the benefit? Ian:...
Logan: We have sex for all different reasons and sometimes we have quickies. What's the benefit? Ian: Well, I think that quickies are great in terms of enhancing intimacy. Especially these days, I mean we are all so limited with our schedules. Logan: Time is limited. Ian: That actually taking the time to have a quickie or at least' I like to think of quickies as not so much experiences that have to have an orgasm because actually a quickie probably may lead to a guy having an orgasm but more than likely' Logan: Chances are she's not getting one. Ian: Right. That said though, there are definite benefits to quickies for women. Again, not so much the intercourse or the orgasm part but for example there was a study that showed that if you hug your partner for 30 seconds, especially in women, it increases oxytocin. And oxytocin is a hormone that helps a woman to feel connected. It is called the cuddle hormone. So just taking 30 seconds. I mean I would consider a 30 second' I mean a 30 second hug is a quickie of a certain type? Logan: I don't know if our viewers will think the same as you. But any kind of touch even if it is a fast and furious sexual experience is still touch. Ian: And it builds up anticipation and it tantalizes you and I think there are so many mental benefits to just constant physical intimacy. Logan: And a great release even if it's, you know, only a couple minutes long. So for more information like this, check out other videos in this series.More »
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Wondering what happens during your first time? These cherry popping myths will share the truth about losing your virginity. Don't believe everything you hear!
Transcript: Logan: A question that I get a lot is, 'What's the first time going to be like?' There are so many myths...
Logan: A question that I get a lot is, 'What's the first time going to be like?' There are so many myths about what it means to lose your virginity. Probably one of the biggest myths is that the hymen has to break in order to tell if someone is a virgin. Here's the thing, the hymen is a thin tissue that partially covers the opening to the vagina. And most women, most girls will tear their hymen long before they've ever had intercourse for the first time. So the answer to that is no, the hymen doesn't have to break or pop. Some women experience bleeding the first time they have sex, the first few times, some do not. Ian: You know what else I think is a big myth? That it is going to be the most fabulous night of your life, a night to remember. Logan: Oh, bad build up. Ian: You know statistics show, a lot of studies show that a lot of people regret their first experience or it didn't go well or it was disappointing. I know for a lot of men, especially a lot of young guys, they end up prematurely ejaculating. Which is a problem that I'll talk about in a later video but is really quite common. And also most women don't orgasm from/during their first experience either. Logan: We have big expectations for the first time and ideally the first time is wonderful, but your right it doesn't mean you're going to have an orgasm. Also, some people, both men and women, think you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex. Well, the truth is you can get pregnant. You can also get a sexually transmitted infection the first time you have sex. If it's unprotected, there's a risk. Ian: I played Moody Blues the first time. Big myth: Moody Blues does not lead to female orgasm. Pick your music well. But it is important to relax and enjoy. Logan: Yes, and destress and communicate. Talk about what you want your first time and hopefully it will be somewhat pleasurable. Ian: And do it with somebody that you care about. You're going to remember it. Logan: Intimacy is a good thing. For more information on good in bed tips, check out goodinbed.com or other videos in this series.More »
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Is vibrator addiction a real risk of owning a sex toy? Watch this video to learn what Ian Kerner and Logan Levkoff say on this pleasurable device.
Transcript: Ian: You know, Sex and the City just did so many wonderful things for humanity as we know it. But one...
Ian: You know, Sex and the City just did so many wonderful things for humanity as we know it. But one of the truly great things the show did was to really mainstream the importance of vibrators in a woman's sexuality. But here's the thing, a lot of us guys do secretly wonder can a woman get addicted to her vibrator? Logan: Well, let me make this clear: No. No, a woman cannot get addicted to her vibrator. She can get addicted to the feel-good sensation that she gets from it, but it's not like this chemically dependant kind of addiction. Women and men are built differently and growing up we aren't really told that. We look at sex in terms of like' you know, think of all the images we see of people in movies having sex and everyone is screaming and moaning in orgasm. The fact of the matter is that most women don't experience that. And vibrators aren't sex toys, they're enhancements that are really necessary for a lot of women to have an orgasm. Instead of looking at vibrators as a like a masturbation tool, it should be something that we use and partner in sex too. Ian: Right, exactly. And for a guy a vibrator can really be like a guy's best friend. Like Batman and Robin. Han and Chewy. A guy and his vibe. Logan: And it's not going to be a replacement for your penis. I mean, we're never going to choose an inanimate object over a living, breathing person. Ian: But here's the thing. If a woman is consistently having orgasms with a vibrator and consistently not having orgasms with her partner or inconsistently having orgasms with her partner, it doesn't mean she's addicted to her vibrator. It means she requires a different kind of clitoral stimulation. Logan: Yes, and that's okay. That's not a problem with you or your prowess. It just means women are build differently. And vibrators can do amazing things for the clitoris and for the vulva and all those 8,000 nerve ending that the penis just by nature can't. That is not a bad thing. That just means we need enhancements during sex -- and that's fun. Novelty is fun. Ian: Absolutely. So guys make nice with her vibe. And if you want more tips like this, check out other videos on this site.More »
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Open communication, -- think talking about sexual fantasies-- makes kinky sex easy to initiate and have fun with. Get to know more in this video.
Transcript: Ian: Maybe you're wondering, 'How do I get my girlfriend or boyfriend to be a little more kinky in bed?'...
Ian: Maybe you're wondering, 'How do I get my girlfriend or boyfriend to be a little more kinky in bed?' I think it's really natural. You know in the beginning of a relationship you can't keep your hands off each other, you're often falling in love, and your brain chemistry is sort of doing a lot in terms of generating excitement. But after a while you kind of need to keep generating the excitement. So how do you get your partner to kind of go outside their comfort zone a little bit? Logan: Well, novelty is great. Novelty is healthy for a relationship. Even the anticipation of talking about what you may or may not want to try. Open communication: Talking about fantasies, sharing what's on your mind, things you've always wanted to do or even just verbalizing what you've heard other people do. It's exciting. It's all psychological. And that is the best part, you can always switch it up. Ian: I think what's interesting to' I think when people think of doing something kinky or having a kinky fantasy' You know fantasies in their unadulterated form are kind of extreme. But especially in terms of real sex, a little goes a long way. Sometimes talking about your fantasy or figuring out, 'Well, this is like an extreme version of an fantasy, but what's like the shallow end? And how do I dip my toe into the shallow end a little bit?' Logan: There is nothing wrong with wanting to be kinky. This word gets this really bad rap of being kind of dirty and taboo. The fact of the matter is that we all have it in us to have these fantasies that go outside of convention. Not only is that okay, but it's really quite normal. Ian: Its' normal and it keeps things interesting. If you're a little bashful about it you can always tell your partner, 'Hey, I had the sexiest, craziest, kinkiest dream. I don't know what was going on in my unconscious, but let me tell you we were doing some teacher/ student, we were doing whatever'' Logan: ''And maybe we can try it later?' Ian: The point is to start talking about it and take it from there. Logan: And own it. Own the desires. Ian: And if you want to own more of your desires, you can own them by watching more videos in this series.More »
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If you and your partner are interested in BDSM, you'll want to know how the best practices. Check out this video for tips on finding healthy pleasure in BDSM.
Transcript: Logan: A lot of people are curious about BDSM. What's it all about? And if I'm curious about it or we...
Logan: A lot of people are curious about BDSM. What's it all about? And if I'm curious about it or we practice it is there something wrong with us? Ian: Wait, BDSM is? Logan: Bondage. Domination. Sadomasochism. So four letters mean a lot of different things to a lot of people. But BDSM doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It is really about role-play and interchangeable power dynamics and getting to play roles you don't normally play in your everyday life. Ian: I absolutely agree. It is a lot of fun. You don't have to do a lot. You don't have to go too far. I think just introducing the concept mentally, you know. Especially for guys, I think when it comes to sex guys often feel like they have to be the dominate ones, they have to know everything, they have to be the ones in charge. And there is something really sexy, especially for a guy, about being able to submit a little bit. Logan: And very sexy for a woman who may not always take charge to totally take charge and be the dominate one. Ian: So it is really great to play with these power roles and to play with your imagination. I think it is also important to take things slowly. Logan: Oh, absolutely. This isn't just a pleasure and pain discussion. It is really important that above all else consent is a huge issue with BDSM -- making sure that you and your partner always have consent. That whatever you do and whatever your talking about, that you both agree to. You know people who are really practicing BDSM, they need safe words. You need words that you say that stop any kind of play and make it really clear. Ian: So if I say cumquat, stop it all. Stop everything if I say cumquat. Logan: If that's your safe word. So for now cumquat. And if you want more information or sex tips, check out more videos in this series.More »
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While spanking can be enjoyable for you and your partner, knowing when to stop can build trust as well as excitement. Check out this video to learn more about spanking gone too far.
Transcript: Logan: With all the sexual imagery out there it's really not a wonder that people are interested in doing...
Logan: With all the sexual imagery out there it's really not a wonder that people are interested in doing new sort of things, spanking being one of them. So if someone came to you and said, 'I'm kind of interested in spanking, being spanked, or spanking someone else. Is there something wrong with me?' What would you tell them? Ian: No. I would say absolutely it can be fun. To explore, again it is about touch, it's about power, it's about submitting and domination. All those are very very vibrant mental themes. I would also say to obviously take it slowly, have a safe word, make sure that your partner is fully consenting. What's interesting too though is that the more you get sexually aroused, the more you release a neurochemical cocktail of hormones and endorphins and inhibition around pain actually goes down. And so you become a little more receptive to pain, so something might feel good sort of a little later in the sexual process than early. Logan: Also we know there is this fine line between pleasure and pain. When we see people's faces in the throws of orgasm they are kind of interchangeable with pain faces too. There's definitely a fine line there. And I think it is important for people to realize there are all different kinds of touch. At different stages of sexual arousal sometimes you want a calm softer touch sometimes you want a more aggressive touch. But as long as your partner are consenting and speaking up, nothing wrong with it. So for more information and sex tips like these, check out the other videos in this series.More »
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The idea of a threesome may appeal to a number of people; however, there are some risks involved with this activity. To know more about threesome risks, check out this video.
Transcript: Logan: One of the most popular fantasies that I think we hear people talk about is having a threesome....
Logan: One of the most popular fantasies that I think we hear people talk about is having a threesome. But sometimes the fantasy is a little better than the reality. The reality of a threesome is a little bit more complicated, don't you think? Ian: I do. I mean I think it's a very potent fantasy. Men fantasize about threesomes' Logan: Women do too. Ian: Yeah, and sometimes it is two women in the threesome fantasies. Sometimes it's two men. And it is funny, this is a fantasy that people, especially men, I think become obsessed with making a reality. I also think it is a good example of how sometimes a fantasy should just be a fantasy. It is almost more fun or intriguing as a fantasy than reality. I've heard from a lot of my patients that have gone through with threesomes, A. one person usually feels a little pressured into doing it. Logan: Or left out. Ian: Or left out. Logan: Or totally left out. Ian: Or did not realize that seeing their partner have sex with somebody else was really going to permanently scar them in some way. Logan: Right, and it's not always the women that feel that way, sometimes it's the men that feel that way. The other challenge is obviously with sexual health too. You have to use condoms, definitely. You need to be using protection. Do you talk about getting tested and what the other person's sexual health is? Also, how do you choose that person? Who chooses? What gender gets to pick first? What gender is that going to be? Ian: Well, and sometimes it is a decision that also is really being made under the influence of alcohol. Logan: Which is never ever a good idea. Ian: No, I mean not only is it not good to make decisions when you're drunk or under the influence of alcohol, it could really lead to a choice of partner that might' you know if you're drinking a lot, you're possibly in a circle where there's a higher risk of unsafe sex to begin with. Logan: And again some people can get away with having threesomes and have these amazing experiences, but it is just something that needs to be more thought out than just 'we're going to try it, let's just go for it.' Ian: And guys, if you are going to have a threesome and you're involving your girlfriend or wife in it, remember she's the one that you're going to see tomorrow and tomorrow and the next day. And make sure you treat her like a queen. Logan: Very nice. For more sex tips like these, check out other videos in this series.More »
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What are the health risks of anal sex and how can you protect yourself? Watch this video for more on anal sex safety.
Transcript: Ian: So anal sex is definitely becoming less of a taboo and more couples are engaging in it, but what...
Ian: So anal sex is definitely becoming less of a taboo and more couples are engaging in it, but what are the health risks? Logan: Important to remember that anal sex just like anything else does come with sexual health risks, if unprotected. So you have to be using condoms. There's a risk of sexually transmitted infections. And possibly if someone's not using enough lubricant, anal tearing, which not only is incredibly painful but can also lead to infections later on. We can't forget anal sex can be pleasurable but it must be protected. Ian: And I think it is something you should take slowly. You should begin with manual stimulation of the area. There are also sex toys that can help. And for me I would say the key is lubrication -- lubrication and communication. Logan: Absolutely. Lubrication is essential. And talking to your partner and making sure that at every step he or she is comfortable with what you're doing. Because if they're not, than anal sex is never going to feel good and it is not something that should be part of your sexual repertoire. Ian: No, it could lead to discomfort. It could lead to damage butt. It can also be done safely and in a way that is a lot of fun. Logan: I mean you can also engage in anal sex and stimulate the clitoris at the same time. So there is certainly the potential for pleasure if you keep talking and you're safe. Ian: Yeah, it is definitely true. More couples are definitely doing it, enjoying it. And just do it carefully and always with a lot of communication. And if you want more sex tips, just check out more videos in this series.More »
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Foreplay is important and outercourse is the new intercourse. Watch this video for tips on better foreplay.
Transcript: Ian: I get asked this question a lot; how important is foreplay? I especially want to say to the men...
Ian: I get asked this question a lot; how important is foreplay? I especially want to say to the men out there that foreplay is all play. Logan: Without foreplay, you aren't getting any play. Ian: No play, right. Study after study shows that 80% of women do not orgasm from intercourse alone. The clitoris is the powerhouse of the female orgasm. Logan: Which is part of the vulva outside not inside of the vagina. Ian: Right, 90% of the nerve fibers that contribute to the female orgasm are located on the surface of the vulva. So I like to say that many men through no fault of their own are what I call "illclitorate." Many men need to get "clitorate." They need to understand that the clitoris is the powerhouse of the female orgasm and foreplay is coreplay. Logan: Foreplay is also important because women need to turn on head to toe. Sexuality and arousal is holistic. We need to turn on mentally, physically, emotionally. When you just go right for intercourse, we kind of freak out a little bit, we are a little bit uncomfortable. We need to turn on. We need to take time and you need to take time with us. And not just the breast and genitals, all the other erogenous zones; the back of our neck, the back of our knee, our hips, anything else. Ian: All of that touch produces oxytocin, which helps women engage in sex. All that foreplay helps women deactivate mentally which is also important to female orgasm. And let's remember that in the end, and orgasm really consists of two processes physiologically; blood flows to the genitals and tension developing throughout the entire body. The more foreplay the more sexual tension the more sexual tension that gets released, the more powerful the orgasm. Logan: And the better lubrication, better sex. Ian: For more foreplay tips check out other videos in this series or go to goodinbed.comMore »
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Many people get nervous before their first time with a partner. But you don't have to worry, view this video to get some tips on how to impress your first time.
Transcript: Ian: So this is a question I get a lot from men and from women, 'It is my first time, how do I impress...
Ian: So this is a question I get a lot from men and from women, 'It is my first time, how do I impress my partner?' Logan: And it is a huge fear, a huge fear and insecurity. What if my partner doesn't like what I'm doing? The first thing to remember is to manage your expectations. For example, most women don't have orgasms from intercourse alone. So if your expecting that and that doesn't happen then you might feel badly about yourself. And the fact is, know in advance it probably won't happen from sex alone. Ian: On that same note, studies show that for women to actually enjoy sex and experience orgasm, that parts of the female brain that are associated with stress and anxiety need to deactivate. The first time really can sometimes be a stressful experience. Really focusing on the relaxation bit whether that means dimming the lights or spending a lot of time on kissing and foreplay. Because arousal is it's own neuro-chemical cocktail. The more you let that cocktail do its work, the more inhibited you become, the more relaxed, the more aroused you become. Logan: And you want to be well lubricated especially the first time. You want your partner to be well lubricated. The only way to do that really is to spend some time on foreplay. That will make sex much more enjoyable for both of you.Ian: Exactly. Men, you really need to remember the clitoris is the powerhouse of the female orgasm. There are certain sex positions like 'woman on top' where a woman can really control the persistent pressure against the clitoris. I think 'woman on top' is the position that a woman is most likely to have an orgasm in. Logan: Well, yes. I think it is important to just remember any position where you have access to a woman's clitoris--or at least you can spend some time during intercourse stimulating a woman's clitoris--is going to be a good position. Ian: And like we talked in our other video, outercourse and foreplay and just doing everything you can. So check out those other videos. For tips on how to be a great lover and how to be a great partner and how to communicate, you can go to goodinbed.com or check out other videos in this video series.More »
Last Modified: 2013-06-13 | Tags »
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Is it possible for a man to fake an orgasm? Watch this video to learn why a man may want to fake ejaculation, and how he gets away with it!
Transcript: Logan: There are a lot of women who are out there and wondering is it possible for a guy to fake it?...
Logan: There are a lot of women who are out there and wondering is it possible for a guy to fake it? And what does it mean if your guy is faking an orgasm? Ian: Well, it is absolutely possible for men to fake it. Logan: Which a lot of women are going to be surprised by. Ian: I know, and a lot of women refuse to believe that. They think that they are the only ones that can fake it and get away with it. Let me first say that men who fake that is actually on the rise. It's really a product of a situation that's called delayed ejaculation. A lot of men these days are on medications, especially SSRIs and antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs that have the side effect of delaying or inhibiting ejaculation. I want to say that a lot of men who are suffering from sexual side effects and don't want to bruise the ego of their partners or don't want to hurt their partner's feeling will end up faking it. And honestly, if you're using a condom, first of all which a lot of people are using' Logan: 'and should be using. Ian: 'than it's no problem. A guy will just do the same thing a woman does; groan a lot, thrash a lot, and fake it. But also I do have to say, that even a lot of women will say, 'Well, I will know because we don't use condoms.' But the seminal output, the seminal fluid varies from guy to guy and from situation to situation. So it's absolutely possible for a guy to fake it. Logan: And if we're good, caring partners who believe in mutual pleasure than hopefully we're talking to and we're saying, 'If this isn't satisfying to you, let us know because we want you to feel pleasure too'. So we women have a role in this as well. Ian: Absolutely, and very often it is not a function of the person that a guy is with. It is not a function of his partner, it really is usually is a side effect related to medication or some deeper level of stress or anxiety. Logan: Or the pressure we put on being a great lover or having great sex. And that can be as anxiety producing for a man as it is for a woman. For more tips like these, check out more videos at this site.More »
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In addition to being fun, orgasms also have some health benefits. Learn more about orgasms and your health from this video.
Transcript: Ian: This is something that I end up talking about a lot because there really is a correlation between...
Ian: This is something that I end up talking about a lot because there really is a correlation between one's overall health and your sexual health. It's important to have a healthy sex life and it is important to have orgasms. Orgasms are healthy. Logan: That's the big headline here. Orgasms are good for your health. And people are going to love hearing that. Because it is not just pleasure for the sake of pleasure, right. I mean, being sexually active and having orgasms means that you boost your immunity, you're producing attachment hormones so you're bonded, you're alleviating stress and menstrual cramps -- all these great things. Ian: You're burning calories. You know if you're a little energetic, your burning calories. For men, when you orgasm you're also flushing toxins out of your prostate. So you're actually helping your prostate health. And there have been studies in male sexuality that have shown that men who have orgasms 2 to 3 times per week are less likely to have heart attacks than men who don't. And what that is actually saying is not that orgasms prevent heart attacks but that if you're overall maintaining a healthy lifestyle, you probably have a healthier sex life. You're having more orgasms and hence you are healthier and happier overall. Logan: So pleasure is good for you. Ian: For more tips on pleasure and enjoying your sex life, check out more videos in this series.More »
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We don't hear much about male multiple orgasms. Find out if they're possible and how they work in this video.
Transcript: Logan: We hear often about women and multiple orgasms, but we don't hear that much about men. Probably...
Logan: We hear often about women and multiple orgasms, but we don't hear that much about men. Probably because of that refractory period we all hear about. So is it possible, Ian, for men to have multiple orgasms? Ian: It is possible. Well, you hear a lot about male multiple orgasms. One thing I want to say is that women have a genuine physiological capacity to have multiple orgasms. Because after a women has an orgasm, there is more blood that lingers in the genitals and there's still residual sexual tension. As you said earlier, men tend to go very quickly into the refractory period, which is the pre-aroused state. Logan: Which is the roll over phase. Ian: The roll over and start snoring phase or I don't know, go to Hulu and watch something. What I want to say is men can experience multiple orgasms but not quiet in the same way. See men experience...as a guy gets aroused right before he ejaculates, he experiences a point of ejaculatory inevitability. And that means that with or without further stimulation, a guy's going to ejaculate. Logan: It's going to happen Ian: But as a guy and as a woman and as his partner, if you become attuned to those moments right before the moment of ejaculatory inevitability, there are actually a few pleasurable sort of orgasmic contractions. Guys might emit a little bit of seminal fluid also called pre-cum, and that feels good. But you really have to sort of be able to navigate. It's kind of like being able to go right up to the brink and pull back a little bit and go back'. Logan: So you have to really need to know your body and your partner's body. Which takes some time to learn. Ian: And that is different than the female body. Women have a more genuine, more physiological innately capacity for multiple orgasms. But again men can have, it is really about extending pleasure and being aware and in tune with your partners body. Logan: So you hear that; men can have multiple orgasms. For more tips like these, check out good in bed.com or other videos on this site.More »
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